is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
