youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
