Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
