I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
