How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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