Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize