South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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