I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
