Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
