...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
