My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
