is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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