I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
