Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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