The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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