So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
