I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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