FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize