Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
