I love having hate sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
