at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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