Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
