Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize