Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
