you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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