i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
