Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
