Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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