At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
