My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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