He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
