i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
