I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
