So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You are a genius and a whore.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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