Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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