We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
