I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
