My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
