well I can't set my house on fire every night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
where are my eyebrows?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize