epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
