I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
