Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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