Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
