Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
