$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
