Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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