dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
