He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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