i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
