it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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