4 words: hood of his car
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize