Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
