Kiss
Puke
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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