Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
