I hate all girls vehemently.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
