I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
