he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
