I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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