Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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