at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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