Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
