He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
