I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
