I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You can't special order awesome
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my poor anus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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