Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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