I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
