sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
