A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
