I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize