I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
