I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
