Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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