i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize