Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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