He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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