I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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