Do you still have your period?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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