Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
