I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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