Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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