So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
