Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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