Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
