I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
