just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
