mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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