If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
