my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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