yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize