**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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