Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
