FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
