Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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