this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
